Flying the coop!

December 2, 2010
As parents of young adults, we have a balancing act between caring and nurturing, and allowing our kids to live their own lives as adults.  Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for our actions and decisions.  It can be challenging as a loving parent to let our children suffer the consequences of a decision, and so very tempting to rescue them! 

One method that may be helpful as we reframe our relationship as the parent of an adult is to see ourselves as a coach, mentor, or adviser.   When you find yourself in a situation where you want to tell them what to do, nag, or second guess their choices, ask them if they'd like your input.  An easy way to do this is to ask your child if they'd like some advice.  If they decline your offer, respect their wishes.  Once they realize that you aren't trying to tell them what to do, they may be more open to hearing your advice.  They may not take your advice, but that's their decision to make! 

It's really important to have empathy for your child when they make mistakes, or they don't take our advice.  Treat them as you would a good friend who made a mistake.  Don't rescue them or fix it for them, just have empathy.  "What a bummer, I'm so sorry that happened!"  Hold the "I told you so's", even if you did tell them so!  Empathy will keep the relationship open, and they be more likely to come to you for advice in the future.   
 

Do as I do...

April 8, 2010
One of the best ways to teach our children, and something you hear us say often in the Redirecting Children's Behavior course, is modeling the behavior.   When we offer makeups to our loved ones, our children learn that this is a wonderful way to correct a mistake, right a wrong, or soothe a hurt.  When we use our pause button, our children learn to take a break when they get upset.  When we use our self-quieting space, our children learn the same technique.  We can tell children what we expe...
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Loving our teens

January 18, 2010
Do you remember what it was like to be a teenager?  I remember criticism for dress, facial expressions, music choices,
friend selection, chores, just everything!  Babies and toddlers receive so much positive affirmation, affection, and encouragement, but if often dwindles away by the time the child is a teenager.  Remember when your toddler was learning to walk?  You probably encouraged them even when they fell down.  Try to do that when your teen makes a mistake.  Teach them to repair the  mi...

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Fall in love with your family!

January 8, 2010
2010, a new year, and a great time to recommit to our families.  January 3rd is our wedding anniversary, so we are especially conscious to connect as a couple, and to renew our commitment to grow together.  We believe that love is more than a feeling, it's a choice, a decision, and an act.  Our society seems to revere the "in love" experience.  Some people use the "in love" feeling as an excuse, or a way to deny responsibility for decisions:  "I couldn't help myself, I fell in love" or "I fel...
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29 Days of Giving

November 5, 2009
November is Thanksgiving month and the beginning of the holiday season, so we joined the 29 days of giving.  In this time of bad economic news, it's easy to clench our fists and feel scarcity.  We choose to live in abundance.  We give to our community through It Takes A Village conference for parent and educators, and teaching classes through Family Journeys.  This month, we'll give to individuals as well.

 http://www.29gifts.org/profile/HeatherandJoe

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About Us


Heather and Joe We are parent educators and family coaches. With three young adult children, we have lived through a lot of what we preach. Like you, we make mistakes, we yell at our kids, they yell at us, our cat meows, the dog barks, and we pick up and start all over again. We adore our kids, love being parents, being married, and playing in that exciting, scary, and rewarding playground we call family. We'd love to hear from you!
 
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